whaaa happened?

sometimes it hits really hard like a slap in the face. at other times it slowly creeps up and then reveals itself only after peeling off a layer of masks. it's that little thing called perspective, and i think today it crept up on me. i'm not even sure if it's seeped into me yet, or if i'm only aware of it because it has.

this has been a weird week. lots of unexplained emotional ups and downs. or, maybe with a perfectly logical explanation, i just didn't expect it would affect me as much as it has. it hit especially hard late in the week. even with plenty of things to look forward to, a sense of blah and gloom managed to overtake me and it manifested itself in an embarrassingly spectacular fit of rage and sadness all rolled into one package. it stayed with me today, and despite my best efforts to stave it off and carry on with plans that i had made, it just wasn't going to work.

fast forward from mid-afternoon until now (9:30ish) and not much has happened. but, i just finished watching a montage of a certain 1-year-old's birthday party. maybe it's the innocence and totipotency (can that word describe an entire organism, not just a cell?) embodied by that little one that made things feel all right. or maybe it's just a temporary reprieve for my overactive mind, but that video dulled my senses a bit and reminded me of the good great things in my life. sure, there's more that i'm searching for, but it ain't that bad. in fact, it's pretty good.

i hope this is more than a passing moment...