6.07.2006
okay, okay...i'm back
i figured it was better to stay in silence than to bitch about everything i wanted to bitch about.
those things will remain unsaid, at least here, and for the most part i'm over them.
one of the greatest things has occurred: the birth of Valerie Marta. she's an absolutely beautiful little girl with two of the greatest moms she could ever hope to have.
that's the good stuff. however, some things i'm NOT over. the biggest one is how crappy of a year this has been for so many people close to me. yes, i'm technically a "grown-up", at least age wise, but i'm a kid at heart. i guess that sometimes, with that comes a kid's mind - like refusing to acknowledge life cycles, especially the death part. without going into too many of the details that will just bring me down once again, there have simply been too many losses in the past 2 months. people i love, people who are close to those that i love.
the kicker for me came last thursday. just hours after i got an email from my landlords saying that they wanted to sell the place i am calling home (and could i please find a new place to call home in the next 30 days), i got a phone call from my dad, who told me that my grandma had passed away.
she was an amazing woman but it's hard for me to think of her as someone other than grandma. yes, she was married before she married my grandfather and had a whole separate life that i know almost nothing about, but since they got married when i was about 3 years old, i've always known her as my grandma. she was 98 years old. she was coherent and active until about a month ago. she beat stomach cancer. she cooked and cooked and cooked for her friends for no special reason at all. she woke up early every morning and took her dog for a walk around the block. everyone at her church (and pretty much everyone who ever met her) loved her.
there will be a memorial service for her in the next month or so. i imagine her ashes have already been scattered in the place she requested. for some strange reason, despite the overwhelming sadness and emptiness that i feel, aside from that first night, i've barely been able to cry.
but does that really matter? the fact is that she's gone. not from my memory or my heart - not ever, but it's hard knowing i'll never see her again.
let's hope that all this heartache and suffering is it for the year. no more. can't take it.
those things will remain unsaid, at least here, and for the most part i'm over them.
one of the greatest things has occurred: the birth of Valerie Marta. she's an absolutely beautiful little girl with two of the greatest moms she could ever hope to have.
that's the good stuff. however, some things i'm NOT over. the biggest one is how crappy of a year this has been for so many people close to me. yes, i'm technically a "grown-up", at least age wise, but i'm a kid at heart. i guess that sometimes, with that comes a kid's mind - like refusing to acknowledge life cycles, especially the death part. without going into too many of the details that will just bring me down once again, there have simply been too many losses in the past 2 months. people i love, people who are close to those that i love.
the kicker for me came last thursday. just hours after i got an email from my landlords saying that they wanted to sell the place i am calling home (and could i please find a new place to call home in the next 30 days), i got a phone call from my dad, who told me that my grandma had passed away.
she was an amazing woman but it's hard for me to think of her as someone other than grandma. yes, she was married before she married my grandfather and had a whole separate life that i know almost nothing about, but since they got married when i was about 3 years old, i've always known her as my grandma. she was 98 years old. she was coherent and active until about a month ago. she beat stomach cancer. she cooked and cooked and cooked for her friends for no special reason at all. she woke up early every morning and took her dog for a walk around the block. everyone at her church (and pretty much everyone who ever met her) loved her.
there will be a memorial service for her in the next month or so. i imagine her ashes have already been scattered in the place she requested. for some strange reason, despite the overwhelming sadness and emptiness that i feel, aside from that first night, i've barely been able to cry.
but does that really matter? the fact is that she's gone. not from my memory or my heart - not ever, but it's hard knowing i'll never see her again.
let's hope that all this heartache and suffering is it for the year. no more. can't take it.
# posted by cheddah : 9:24 PM
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ack ack ack. i'm so sorry about your grandma, and the other troubles you're having to deal with at the same time! i am sure you'll find a new place easy, this is supposed to be a good market. but awful timing--big hugs.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandma. Hold her memory close, and someday you'll see her again.
Big hugs to you Cheddah.
Big hugs to you Cheddah.
oh no, sorry to hear about your grandma. she, like the rest of your family, sounds really cool. hugs to you.
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