7.09.2005
wtf is up with fremont fridays?
last time i had a green game in fremont, i was sent into a funk because of something someone had said. (reference)
had another green game in fremont tonight, and i was looking forward to it all week. after Andrea's awesome performance on sunday, we were looking to keep the juju going. but news i got yesterday almost sent me reeling into the depths of despair, sort of what it was like 2 years ago when my dad was first diagonsed with mantle cell lymphoma. he has been more tired than usual for a week or so, and he finally saw his local oncologist on thursday and i assumed he'd just need a shot to boost his rbc counts. turns out those counts, and his wbc counts are up, but his potassium levels are low. so the doctor prescribed potassium supplements for him. okay, not great news because that means something could be wrong with his kidneys, but hopefully it's some minor thing.
but, the doctor also ordered a ct scan for next tuesday. this is where i lose it. no ct scans (besides the one in january, which came back clean) were ordered per the protocol from the ucsf folks. if it's simply an issue of potassium levels, that's very treatable. but to me, ordering the ct scan means that the doctor is worried that something else - something more severe - is going on. i was on the verge of losing it at work yesterday after i talked to my mom, but held it together long enough to finish the day.
i hardly slept last night. i am trying to stay positive and think good thoughts but it's hard when you know that mcl has never been cured before. i know i'm lucky that my dad's health has been so good for the past year but the thought of the mcl coming back or manifesting itself in another form has me really scared.
at times tonight, i was able to have fun with my friends, skate around, and enjoy playing hockey. but a split second later i'd remember what was really going on and i only wanted to be at home with my folks. i know they want me to keep doing my thing, try not to get too wrapped up in what *could* happen, but it's hard.
for now, i'll try to get some sleep and have fun at the Giants game with my mom tomorrow. and then maybe i'll go home on sunday.
but i'll definitely try to have fun at hockey on monday night.
had another green game in fremont tonight, and i was looking forward to it all week. after Andrea's awesome performance on sunday, we were looking to keep the juju going. but news i got yesterday almost sent me reeling into the depths of despair, sort of what it was like 2 years ago when my dad was first diagonsed with mantle cell lymphoma. he has been more tired than usual for a week or so, and he finally saw his local oncologist on thursday and i assumed he'd just need a shot to boost his rbc counts. turns out those counts, and his wbc counts are up, but his potassium levels are low. so the doctor prescribed potassium supplements for him. okay, not great news because that means something could be wrong with his kidneys, but hopefully it's some minor thing.
but, the doctor also ordered a ct scan for next tuesday. this is where i lose it. no ct scans (besides the one in january, which came back clean) were ordered per the protocol from the ucsf folks. if it's simply an issue of potassium levels, that's very treatable. but to me, ordering the ct scan means that the doctor is worried that something else - something more severe - is going on. i was on the verge of losing it at work yesterday after i talked to my mom, but held it together long enough to finish the day.
i hardly slept last night. i am trying to stay positive and think good thoughts but it's hard when you know that mcl has never been cured before. i know i'm lucky that my dad's health has been so good for the past year but the thought of the mcl coming back or manifesting itself in another form has me really scared.
at times tonight, i was able to have fun with my friends, skate around, and enjoy playing hockey. but a split second later i'd remember what was really going on and i only wanted to be at home with my folks. i know they want me to keep doing my thing, try not to get too wrapped up in what *could* happen, but it's hard.
for now, i'll try to get some sleep and have fun at the Giants game with my mom tomorrow. and then maybe i'll go home on sunday.
but i'll definitely try to have fun at hockey on monday night.
# posted by cheddah : 12:14 AM
